Letter of Love (RinxLen Oneshot)
by AlfaBetaGregor
Summary: Behold the very first fanfiction oneshot I've ever written (since then I've gotten better, but this one is special to me)! Rin cannot face Len personally, so she wrote a letter to tell him her feelings. But why a letter? Read it to know!


Dear Kagamine Len,

Uhm, well... let's start with introduction, shall we? My name is Kagamine Rin. For you, I might be a complete stranger. I understand; you may only remember me when I came to visit you the day before yesterday. Yes, I'm that weird, blonde girl with ocean blue eyes and a big, white bow on my head.

You see, I... I want to apologize for what I did. I know it was really rude of me, but... You see, when I saw your face I became so happy that I simply couldn't control my body. So once again, please take my most sincere apologize.

Now, let's get to why I really decided to write this letter. Actually, this is my first time writing a handwritten letter. I'm only used to writing texts and e-mails, but I feel like those are way too impersonal for what I really want to say now. Besides, in your current circumstances you don't really have the chance to take a look at your e-mail accounts.

I still remember the day we met as clearly as if it was yesterday - or even this morning. But in truth, it was already almost a year ago. Can you really believe it? I can hardly believe. Back then I didn't really realize how fortunate I was. Now I know.

It was a Wednesday, in the beginning of March. The weather was fairy tale-like: the sky was spotless blue, the spring breeze was warm and the early spring flowers started blooming. There was a light rain the previous night, but most of it has already dried up and now only smally puddles were scattered around the street. The faint scent of flowers and rain filled the air. It was truly a special day.

I was really excited as I was walking home. No, not really home... As you know (or more like you don't know) I just transferred into this collage this year. I had to leave my previous one, and since my parents live in a distant town and I don't have any other family members here, I decided to stay in the collage's dorm. I live alone in a double room, but this was about to change.

I just got a notification from the dorm's landlord that morning. He warned me that the school will have a transfer student who wants to stay in the dorm, and since they're short on rooms the transfer student can have the spare bed in my room. He also said that the student will move in that day and will start school immediately. He also added that I cannot protest, since we're this short on space.

As I was walking home I had mixed feelings. I've been a loner ever since I knew myself. Since I don't have any siblings and I was too... boyish for other girls, so they didn't really befriend me. Even now I only have one friend, a girl named Hatsune Miku. She's been helping me ever since I transferred here. She is also the only one who knows about last year's incident... the reason I had to leave... and the reason I kept avoiding boys.

So I wasn't really sure how to feel about suddenly having a roommate. The thought of having someone in my room in the mornings and evenings every day felt unusual. I was so used to living alone that having someone else with me felt unnatural. I only hoped that my new roommate will be a nice, tidy, quiet girl who doesn't mind my own business and who isn't overly friendly. Yeah, that'd be great!

When I arrived to the dorm, the first thing I did was checking out the board with the tenants' names. All the rooms are double-rooms, so under each room number two names can be found. And what I found under the number 18 was two names:

 _Rin Kagamine_

 _Len Kagamine_

'That's strange' I pondered. 'She has the same family name as I have?'

Thinking about this I went up the stairs, only to find my room's dore wide open. She must have arrived earlier than I expected. Looks like I won't have time to tidy up the room. Well, I guess I've just lost my chance for making a proper first impression. How well. I'll make up for it later - or so I thought.

Without knocking - seriously, who bothers knocking on an open door - I stepped in and headed to the bedroom. Strangely, I only found a single suitcase next to the empty bed. Did she only bring her clothes? That won't be enough for more than a week. Maybe she's bringing up her other stuff right now? It'd explain why the door was left open.

I tossed my bag on my bed (out of habit) and went to the bathroom to change. I really wanted to get rid of my stupid skirt and take on my favorite orange pajama shorts. Still out of habit I slammed the door open - and my jaws dropped to the ground.

A boy was standing in my bathroom! A _boy_! Judging from his looks, he must've been around my age. His hair was gold, long and tied in a ponytail. It looked really girlish. You ask how did I know he was a boy? Because he was _shirtless_! There was a shirtless boy standing in my bathroom!

I don't mean he didn't look... good. His skin was white as milk. His back - even if it wasn't overly buff - was quite mascular. His shoulders weren't large, but they weren't slim either. And when he turned around, my eyes met his stunning, cerulean eyes. My face felt like it was on fire, and before I knew it everything went black and my head hardly knocked on the floor.

I woke up a few hours later. Somehow, I was laying on my bed and my head was resting on a cold ice pack. Someone must've carried me to my bed while I was unconscious. I looked at the other bed - and my heart almost stopped.

The same boy from earlier was laying there, only that now he was wearing a yellow T-shirt. Scared, I quickly grabbed my pillow and threw it at him. He immediately sat up and looked at me. At first I thought that he was angry, but no... his cerulean eyes were shining with care and relief.

'I see you're awake' he said. 'Thank God you're fine.'

'W-WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?!' I shouted, immediately forgetting any manner or etiquette. I grabbed the ice pack and attempted to throw the ice pack at him. He however quickly grabbed it in the air and walked to my bed.

'Hey, relax' he said, on a voice so quiet and calm that my heart started beating slower.

He sat on the edge of my bed and slowly and gently pushed me back on the bed, placing the ice pack under my head.

'My name is Len' he said. 'Kagamine Len. And judging from the fact that you're here, you must be Rin, right?'

I weakly nodded. Len's eyes - your eyes - were smiling as you were looking at me. For some reason I wanted to stay like that forever, but I quickly snapped and set up immediately.

'You can't be Len!' I exclaimed. 'This dorm doesn't allow a girl and a boy to live in the same room. Besides, what's with your family name? I am Kagamine, not you!'

You were smiling calmly. You weren't shaken by a yelling girl, not the least.

'I _am_ Len' you said. 'And as you can see, I am a boy. And my name _is_ Kagamine. Actually, I'm surprised that your family name is the same as mine!'

You laughed, and somehow my heart eased a bit. But it wasn't enough to break my guard completely. I reached out for my cell phone and called the landlord. He explained me again that they simply don't have enough rooms and I'm alone in a room. Judging by your name, he thought that we were relatives, so he decided to ignore the not-mixing-genders rule and placed us in the same room. He also said that by signing all the papers I agreed to have you as roommate, and before I could protest, he hung up.

Meanwhile, you were just sitting there, your cerulean eyes searching mine. When I angrily put down the phone, you sighed.

'Do I inconvenience you this much, Rin?' you asked kindly.

Instead of answering, I simply glared at you. I wanted to shout, but when I opened my mouth a painful moan came out. I reached over to the back of my head, and my fingers touched an adhesive plaster.

'You should rest a bit' you said. 'You hit your head pretty hard. You were bleeding heavily. Thankfully, the landlord happened to have a spare ice pack for you.'

'Wait' I said. 'Did you carry me over to the bed?'

'Yes' you said. 'I didn't want to leave you on the floor.'

I couldn't say anything. No one has been this kind to me. But I didn't want you to get too carried away with our relationship, so I simply killed the lights and pulled my blanket over my head.

'Sleep' I ordered you. 'And don't come in the bathroom when I'm in.'

'You too' you said jokingly.

I blushed madly and turned away.

'GOOD NIGHT, LEN' I exclaimed.

'Good night, Rin' I heard your quiet, sleepy voice from your bed.

This is how you, Len Kagamine and I, Rin Kagamine met. Honestly, I didn't know what to do with you. You always woke up earlier than me, tidied up the room and left to school. During the classes, you always sat close to me and tried to get in a conversation with me. And in our room, in the evenings, you always made sure to leave me enough hot water and go to bed quietly. And all this care was killing me.

I hated boys. After what happened to me, I think anyone would understand me. Up to this point, all the boys I knew were jerks, so ignoring them wasn't hard at all. You were the only one who seemed different, who actually tried to care about me... and all this made me feel afraid of you.

Being pointless, I tried to ask advice from Miku. She is the most popular girl in our grade, so if anyone knows how to deal with boys, it's her.

'I think you should be more open to him, Rin' said Miku. 'Len is a nice guy. And he seems to like you. And... you seem to like him as well.'

'W-what are you saying, Miku?!' I yelled. 'T-there's no way I'd like him!'

'Rin, Rin, Rin' Miku petted my head. 'Boys are part of life. You cannot ingore them forever. Unless... Rin, are you possibly lesbian?'

'Don't even joke with that, Miku!' I shouted. 'I'm a straight girl! I just hate boys! They... they did - that - to me.'

'I know, Rin' said Miku softly. 'I know. But Len is different. Trust me, I can tell.'

We couldn't continue the conversation, as you arrived and sat down next to me with a warm smile. I felt my face heating up and I turned away to hide my blush. Miku was giggling in the background, making me blush more. How was I supposed to talk to you if I don't even know what I should say?

Our relationship went like this for two months: you tried to talk to me, and I shut you down. You tried to be kind with me, and I ingored you. I still didn't really know how I should think about you. You seemed to like me, but at the same time I couldn't tell if you were trying to make a move on me or not.

I became even more confused noticing how people were treating you and how you treated them. Since you were kind to everyone, people were kind to you as well. But that wasn't what disturbed me. Wherever you went, girls followed you. No matter where you went, girls always found a way to flirt with you. Even if you always turned them down, they always came back, trying again and again and again.

Because of you, people - especially girls - started treating you differently. You see, after you dumped all those girls, you always came to hang out with me. Even if I tried to stay away from you, it was hard since we were living in the same room and we had most of our lessons together. For some reason, everyone thought that you were hitting one me - and they brought the conclusion that I wanted to take you away from them. So wherever I went, I kept getting death glares from everyone.

You made boys act differently towards me as well. You see, after I transferred into this school, some boys came over to flirt me, but they only wanted to get in my bed - which I refused completely. So I kept rejecting everyone, and after a week they left me alone. But you changed them. Boys I've never spoken with came over to flirt with me - mainly when you were there as well.

As kind and perceptive as you are, you soon noticed that I wanted to avoid attention. So when the boys came to me, you made an excuse and dragged me away from them. I was actually really grateful for that, even if I rarely showed it to you. But seeing how hard you work to make me feel comfortable, I decided to be kinder with you.

One day, when we were heading home, I suddenly stopped, making you stop as well. When you looked at me confuzed, I said:

'Len, would you have dinner with me?'

'We always have dinner together, Rin' you said.

'Not at the canteen!' I said. 'You know, I haven't been in a restaurant for a while. My parents sent me some pocket money from yesterday, and I was thinking about going to a restaurant, but... going all alone would be embarassing. So, want to come with me or not?'

At first you were stunned, but you quickly answered with a smile.

'Of course!' you said. 'Should we change clothes first?'

'Why?' I asked. 'I hardly have any better clothes than my school uniform, and no matter what you wear, girls will still flirt with you.'

You actually looked hurt for a second, and I instantly regretted everything I said.

'S-sorry, Len!' I said quickly. 'I didn't mean it like this! It's not your fault that you're _this_ attractive!'

You actually blushed at my comment, and after I realized what I said my face turned crimson as well.

'Do you think I'm attractive?' you asked.

'L-let's just go!' I stammered. I started walking decidedly towards the city, with you behind me.

I targetted a restaurant in the mall. It's a nice place I used to visit at one time of my life. Now it carries many bitter and painful memories to me, but I couldn't really think of a better place to take you to. I mean, after what I said I couldn't just take you to a fast food restaurant!

We sat down, ordered dinner and stretched out our limbs. It was a really tiring day, both physically and mentally. I honestly wanted nothing more than to spent the evening in quiet, but because you were there, I knew it was impossible. You've been so kind to me. One evening when I'm kind with you cannot be that hard.

'So' I tried to start a conversation, which was hard with my poor social skills. 'This isn't your first collage, right, Len?'

'It's actually the fifth' you said.

'Impressive' I only meant to think that, not to say it out loud.

'Not really' you said. 'You can get used to it after a while.'

'Why did you move so many times?' I asked. 'I mean, you have good grades, good relationship with people...'

I must have said something bad, as your cerulean eyes turned grey. You quickly shook it off and smiled.

'I didn't feel good in my previous schools' you said. 'It's better here. What about you?'

'What do you mean?' I asked, confuzed.

'I heard from Miku that you only transferred not too long ago' you said. 'Why?'

'None of your business' I said coldly.

You looked hurt. Damn. My defensive nature was kicking in. I really didn't want to say that, I just did... as always when I'm asked about my past.

'Len, I...' I tried to apologize, but you lifted up your palm.

'I know, Rin' you said. 'I know you. If you don't want to talk about something, you don't have to. I won't force it.'

You smiled at me, making me smile as well. But I didn't forget the momentary greyness in your eyes. There was something that you didn't want to talk about and I forced you... Damn, I'm really bad at managing relationships, aren't I? Thankfully our food arrived, and we both started eating hungrily.

For some reason, during dinner I got brave and ordered some wine for both of us. After drinking it, the mood started rising quickly. You told me stories about your previous schools, and I told you stories from my childhood. When the bill arrived, you kept saying that you'd pay the full meal or even just what you ate, but I quickly defeated you and paid the bill. In this good mood, we headed back to the dorm - not knowing that the mood would soon turn cold.

'Well, if it isn't Kagamine' said a familiar voice from behind our back.

The blood froze in my veins as I heard the boy's cold voice. You turned around curiously, but I already knew the speaker. A boy with long, silver hair and red eyes. A boy older and taller than you. A boy with a scar under his left eye. A boy who's been giving me nightmares for months.

'Dell...' I whispered quietly.

The silver-haired guy gave me a devilish smile, and I felt like dying.

'It's been really a while!' said Dell, on a voice sweet as honey and cold as the winter.

Dell stepped closer, making me take a step backwards. My mind was overwhelmed with fear and pain... But both Dell and I forgot that you were there. When you saw that I got scared, you protectively stepped between us, making Dell back down.

'Excuse me' you said politely. 'Would you mind telling me your name?'

'And who the hell are you?' grinned Dell between his teeth. Miraculously, you didn't even flinch.

'Forgive me for my impoliteness' you said. 'My name is Len Kagamine.'

'Kagamine?' asked Dell, looking at me. 'What, you have a brother or something?'

I opened my mouth to protest, but you were quicker.

'Yes' you said firmly. 'I just had dinner with my little sister. I rarely get to spend time with her like this and your presence clearly displeases her, so would you kindly leave?'

Dell looked at me, than at you, than at me again. His smile faded like it was never there.

'Tsk' he said, turning around. 'This is not the end, Kagamine. I haven't forgotten what you did to me. I'll see you again, I swear.'

Dell walked away, getting further and further, and when he finally disappeared from my sight my legs gave up. Luckily, you were there, catching me before I could fall to the ground.

'It's alright, Rin' you whispered in my ear. 'Okay? He's gone. It's fine.'

I weakly nodded. I was too scared to cry until now, but as you were there I finally let it out. I grabbed your shirt, buried my head in your chest and started crying. You wrapped your warm arms around me, comforting me without a word.

When I finally stopped crying, I looked up at you. You let me go, and we went home together. We were preparing to go to bed when you spoke up:

'I'm sorry, Rin'

'For what?' I asked.

'I lied' you said. 'About being your brother. People shouldn't lie about things like this. So I'm sorry.'

'Len, Len, Len' I said, shaking my head. 'If anyone has to apologize, it's me. I made you lie. So I'm sorry.'

'Don't worry about it' you smiled. 'If you feel like talking about him, let me know, okay?'

'Okay' I said. 'Good night, Len.'

'Good night, Rin' you said and killed the lights. But I couldn't stop being honest.

'Len?' I asked in the dark.

'Yes?' you asked.

'Dell is my ex-boyfriend' I said. 'That's everything I can tell for now.'

'I see' you said. 'Thank you.'

After this evening, our relationship quickly improved. I finally had someone who cared about me, who listened to what I said. Soon, I came to call you my best friend, and you called me the same. I've never been happier to have you as my roommate than ever before. But it wasn't long before I wanted more.

At first, I thought that the only thing I feel about you is friendly liking. You see, you are the first boy I befriended, so naturally I thought that this is how girls actually feel like when their best friend is a boy. I didn't know how wrong I was.

It started with your fangirls. Even if several months have passed since you were transferred here, they didn't quit confessing you. Before that certain evening it only annoyed me to hell, but after that amazing dinner I spent with you I started feeling... different about those confessions. Whenever you got one from a girl, I had this ugly feeling in my stomach, as well as the sudden and unexplainable urge to punch her.

Luckily, we never arrived to me actually doing something, since you always turned them down politely. But when you smiled at me afterwards and my heart went haywire... You know the best how inexperienced I am in girlish things. So of course when I have a problem of this nature, I always turn to Miku for advice.

'Hmm' hummed Miku. 'I see. So this is your problem. Very interesting indeed.'

'Can you help me, Miku?' I asked. Miku grinned.

'I can give you advice' she said. 'But you won't keep it.'

'Please, Miku!' I begged. 'If I don't do something, I'll go insane for sure!'

Miku deeply sighed. She sounded serious - something she never really was.

'Rin' she said solemnly. 'You must confess Len.'

I was sitting there in silence, not being sure if I heard it right.

'...what?' I asked.

'Rin' said Miku patiently. 'It's clear that you are in love with Len. What you feel is jealousity. It'll go away once you confess Len.'

'Miku' I said. 'You know that I cannot fall in love. You know that I _mustn't_ fall in love!'

'The past is past' Miku said. 'It's already gone. Don't dwell in the past, Rin. The future is yours. A future which you can spend with Len.'

'I-if I fall in love, it'll happen again' I whispered. 'And maybe that time I won't be as lucky as I was. I don't want to get hurt!'

'It'll hurt the first anyways' said Miku. 'But with the one you love the most with you it'll be easier to endure. And don't say that you cannot fall in love. It's already too late.'

This time I didn't even answer. I didn't want to think about it. I cannot lie to myself. And if I say it out loud it'll become real. So the only thing I could do was staying silent and trying to empty my brain. And you had to step in and sit next to me right in that moment, with your gorgeous smile.

I was pretty sure that you weren't in love with any other girl in this school. I just knew it from the way you were looking at them. But I was unsure how you felt about me. Was I just a friend? Or were you seriously hitting on me? I couldn't tell. Maybe Miku was right. Even if I already had a romantic relationship, maybe I've never fallen in love with someone before.

This is how that other certain, meaningful day came. That day happened to be a Saturday. I usually spend my weekends in my room, and since you came I had company as well. But that day you weren't there. You said that you had some business to take care of, so you left. The room actually felt empty without you, so I decided to go out as well.

I just started randomly wandering in the city centre, and suddenly I found myself in the mall. I usually don't go there, considering that I don't really want to meet with anyone from my old collage. This is why I don't really know how I ended up in the hated mall. My feet just simply took me there. I was being careful not to be noticed by anyone I knew - and this is how I discovered something... heartbreaking.

You were there, standing in a jewelry shop. I was surprised. I knew that you said you have some business to take care of, so I thought that it's outside the city, or at least in an official place like a bank or something. But what would you be doing in a jewelry shop? It didn't make any sense to me. I was about to call your name, when I saw iher/i.

You were in the jewelry shop with a beautiful girl. She was breathtaking. She was a bit taller than you, and possibly older as well. She had long, blonde hair, reaching down to her waist. Her amber eyes were more beautiful than any jewel I've ever seen. She was wearing clothes which looked like they've just arrived from a famous fashion designer's workshop. I suddenly remembered seeing her in a magazine, and I even recalled her identity.

Her name was Akita Neru.

And she was holding your hand.

I felt something breaking inside me. I trembled at the feeling. I suddenly felt weak, feeble... It was happening again. A boy was making me feel like this again. I felt an old scar being teared up, my eyes were filling with tears - and this was when you noticed me.

Your cerulean eyes searched mine through the shop window. They were filled with surprise; you clearly weren't expecting me being there. I couldn't blame you. I wasn't expecting myself to be there either. And I wasn't expecting myself to run away.

'Rin!' you called my name.

I didn't answer. I kept running and running, away from my past, away from my pain, away from you, away from everything. And while running, I brought a conclusion. I was already late. I felt this pain again because I couldn't keep my promise to myself.

I felt this pain because I've fallen in love with you.

I knew that boys cannot be trusted. I knew that better than anyone. But still... I wanted to trust once again. I thought that if it's you, I wouldn't get hurt. I thought that I could trust you. I was hoping you would be different.

Turns out you were.

I ran out of the mall, and when I arrived to a corner I jumped in and curled up in a ball on the ground. My tears weren't stopping. My heart hurt. It really hurt. And yet...

'I still love you, Len' I whispered.

I did it. I said it. And I cannot take it back. Because the moment I said it, it became real. And I cannot lie to myself.

'Rin...' I heared your voice.

I thought that I imagined it, so I looked up and saw your face. But when my eyes met yours, I quickly buried my face back in my knees. I felt like if you kept looking at me with your stunning cerulean eyes I'd just jump in your neck. Now that I said "I love you", I found you even more handsome than ever before. And it's a big word, believe me.

'Ri~in' you said, poking my head.

'WHAT' I looked up.

Before I could do anything, you quickly cupped my face in my palms and turned it towards your face. I wanted to look away, but I couldn't. You knew this as well. You started caressing my cheeks with your thumbs, and I felt my face heating up. Even your smallest touch was gentle. I gazed in your eyes, unable to get away from them.

'What's wrong?' you asked. 'Why did you run away?'

You jumped right to the most difficult question, but I wasn't intending on backing down.

'Because I'm stupid' I said. 'Why were you holding hands with Akita Neru?'

'Do you know her?' you asked.

'Duh' I said. 'Everyone knows her. She's been in the magazines for weeks. She's famous as hell.'

'I see' you said. 'But I think you misunderstand the situation.'

'Then enlighten me' I said.

'Will you believe me?' you asked.

'If you don't lie, I will' I said.

'Neru isn't my girlfriend or anything' you said. 'She is my sister.'

My jaw dropped to the ground. You noticed that I wanted more details, so you explained everything to me.

'Neru is my half-sister' you said. 'Or more likely, I am her half-brother. It's a small difference in grammar, but listen to me.'

'My father is the chairman of a wealthy company. Because of this, his principles are a bit more flexible than the ordinary people's. This includes marriage as well.'

'Father is married to Neru's mother. Neru and her little brother, Nero are their children. Their ilegal/i children. My mother is single. She is also a businesswoman, and she never intended to get married either.'

'Neru's father and my mother met on a business trip. They spent the weekend together - in the bed, of course. This is how my mother got pregnant. And this is how I was born.'

'My original name isn't Kagamine. At first, I had my father's family name, but he paid my mother to change it. I then took my mother's name, but it didn't help either. Meanwhile, my mother got famous, and so did her name. Because of this, people were treating me differently.'

'Wherever I went, when they heard my name, girls started flirting me. It entertained me at first. I enjoyed playing the playboy. But when they only asked me about my family's wealth, I got fed up with it and transferred.'

'I repeated this several times. But in every school, the same phenomenon repeated. I started hating it. So before I transferred last time, I decided to start everything again on my own, and I changed my name as well.'

'But why Kagamine?' I asked. 'Why did you choose my name?'

'I honestly don't know' you said. 'One morning, when I got up and looked at my reflection in the mirror the name just popped up in my head. It sounded... perfect. So I took it. You can imagine how surprised I was when I got to know that there's another Kagamine in this collage!'

'Then, who are you?' I asked. 'Are you... Akita Len or what?'

'My name is Kagamine Len' you said. 'I didn't lie about it. I don't want to lie to you, Rin.'

'I don't want to lie to you either' I said. 'Let's go home, Len. I cannot explain why I run away here, where people can hear me.'

You nodded, took my hand and led me back to the dorm. Meanwhile, you called Neru on your phone, and from what I could hear she was really understanding about your sudden departure, When we arrived to our room, I sat down on my bed. You wanted to sit on yours, but I grabbed your hand and pulled you over to mine. I needed you close to me.

'Listen, Len' I said. 'What I'm about to say now cannot leave this room, okay? It has to be kept in secret.'

'Trust me' you said. 'I won't tell anyone without your permission.'

I lightly blushed at your encouraging smile. I took a deep breath, and the same way you revealed something painful about your life, I told you the most painful thing that happened in my life.

'It's true that I was recently transferred here' I said. 'And it's true that I literatelly needed to escape from my previous school. And given how intelligent and perceptive you are, I'm sure you already put together that it has a lot to do with my ex-boyfriend, Dell.'

'In my previous school, I was going out with the most popular guy in my grade. He was Dell. And he was - and still is - a big playboy. I was so happy that someone like him noticed me and actually wanted to go out with me that I completely ignored my friends' warnings about him playing with me. Dell said that he isn't a playboy anymore. He said that I changed him. He said that he only had eyes on me. And I believed him.'

'And I kept believing him until a certain point. Once, he took me with himself to a party in one of his friends' house. There, he gave me something to drink. It tasted really weird, but I still drank it all...'

You protectively placed your palm on mine, giving me strength to continue.

'Soon, I started feeling dizzy and I lost consciousness. When I woke up, I was on someone's bed... and Dell was on the top of me. H-he already unbuttoned my blouse, and my eyes helplessly followed his hand reaching under my skirt, getting higher and higher...'

'H-he forcefully kissed me and tore down my underwear. But when he did so, I immediately regained my full consciousness. I reached to the table next to the bed, grabbed a broken wine glass and tossed it in his face, deeply cutting him. This is how Dell got that scar under his eye.'

I could hardly speak, but when you wrapped your arms around me, my chest was filled with warmth.

'I ran away. I just ran and never looked back. I... Dell almost raped me. _Almost_. It took me a month to go to school again, but Dell was nowhere done with me.'

'He started making up rumors about me. When I got back, people were saying gossips about me that I never heard before. Dell told them that I'm a slut, a dirty whore who flies from boy to boy... Even if I'm a virgin, he made up such things... But this wasn't his most terrible lie.'

'For Dell, my suffering wasn't enough. He wanted me to fear him, to be defenseless... So he made up that I have HIV. He made up a rumor that I was with one of his friends, who thanks to me is now in hospital with positive HIV test. And everyone believed him.'

'I was abandoned. My so-called friends didn't come to help me. I couldn't stay there anymore. I wanted to erase Dell from my life, but I couldn't... I was weak, helpless... So I did the only thing I'm good at. I ran away, not even looking back.'

'This is a big city. I thought I had enough distance between me and my past life. In this collage, nobody knew me. More, I even got an empty room! I promised to myself that I won't repeat this mistake. I swore to stay away from all those liar, useless boys who never believed me, who never helped me, who abused and abandoned me...'

'And it went well until I met you. You and Dell were too similar at first glance. Both good-looking, handsome, popular with good relationships... Only that you were in my room, in the bed next to me. You are nice, always nice with everyone. Even if I vowed to never make the same mistake again, I stepped on the path of getting hurt...'

I looked up at you, admitting what I really felt:

'...and I fell in love with you.'

'But I cannot decide if you're kind to me because you love me, since you are generally kind. I didn't have the power to admit it to you... Until I saw you with Neru.'

I pulled my hand away from yours and said:

'I have to thank you, Len. Even if you feel nothing towards me, even if for you I'm the same as all the other girls you've rejected... You made me feel love again. So I thank you, from the bottom of my heart.'

You were just sitting there, looking at me shocked. I understood it; I said some pretty heavy things and even confessed you. But I was waiting patiently. I was sure that I'd get rejected, so the only thing I could do was waiting patiently for your answer.

'Am I as attractive as Dell?' you asked quietly. You looked hurt.

'N-no!' I said quickly. 'You're way more attractive than him!'

'And you don't love him anymore, do you?' you asked.

I nodded. You smiled.

'I see' you said. 'I'm glad.'

'Glad?' I asked. 'Why?'

'Because I can do _this_.'

With this, you slipped next to me. While I was shocked, you circled one of your arms around my hip. With your other hand, you lifted up my chin and pressed your lips on mine.

I was honestly surprised. The kiss felt good. It was different than the ones I got from Dell. When he kissed me, Dell always violently pushed his tongue past my teeth into my mouth. Yours was much kinder. You simply placed your lips on mine and left them there for a few seconds. Then, you pulled away and left it at that.

You left me breathless, staring at you.

'You see, Rin' you said with a smile 'the case is that I'm in love with you as well.'

I was still stunned by your sudden kiss and confession, and seeing my expression you chuckled.

'You really can't lie, can you?' you laughed.

I felt a blush spreading over my face, making you laugh even more.

'Rin' you said. 'You are definitely the kindest, smartest, most beautiful and independent girl I've ever met. Any other girls only loved me for my money or my looks, but to get them they kept lying. You are the only different. Your honesty is your most charming part.'

When I still remained silent, you smirked.

'Besides, no other girl fainted when they saw me shirtless!' you laughed.

'LEN!' I finally regained my senses. Still laughing, you wrapped your arms around my body and cuddled me.

'I love you so much, Rin' you said.

'I love you too' I said. 'Can you... do it again?'

'Do what?' you asked, obviously pretending being oblivious.

'Don't make me say it!' I begged.

You smiled and kissed me on the lips once again. And this time I kissed you back. We kept making out for a while, until there was dark outside. Then, we changed to our pajamas and pressed our beds next to each other.

You turned off the lights and hugged me. Without hesitation, I hugged you back.

'Good night, Rin' you said.

'Good night, Len' I said.

This is how we started going out. You may not have been my first boyfriend, but you were - are - definitely the best one, the one I love the most. You didn't spoil me, but I didn't mind that. Because unlike anyone before, you actually cared about me. And this true, honest care what the thing I was wishing for the most.

Since we started going out, I actually gave girls a reason for all those death glares they sent to me. After all, you were mine, and I was yours. But when they saw your honest smile which you only gave when I was there with you, they immediately calmed down and after a while they accepted me as your girlfriend.

Miku was the one giving me the most teases. Ever since we started going out she kept questioning me about what we did together. Of course she wanted to know if we went further than kissing - and her worry and curiosity was for a reason.

'You know, Rin, the tempo of you two is excruciatingly slow' she said once. 'You and Len clearly love each other, so why don't you just get over with it?'

'Miku!' I exclaimed. 'It's not something you can just get over with! It's not that simple!'

'It's way more simple than you think' said Miku. 'You really want him, right?'

'W-what if he doesn't want me?' I asked, my voice being full of uncertainty.

'Even you don't think this seriously' said Miku.

I opened my mouth to answer, but suddenly I felt something warm on my cheek. You pulled away your lips, but I suddenly stood up and kissed you fully. Your lips were always so charming that I could never stop myself from kissing you.

After school, we went home, holding hands. But what Miku said didn't let me rest. Whenever you looked away, I secretely kept glancing at you. When you noticed this, looked at me and smiled, I felt my body heating up and I had to look away, before my ears would catch on fire. You just smiled, pulling me closer to you, making my heart race. Did I want you that much?

I couldn't stop myself from asking:

'Len, how many girls did you take to bed?'

'Four' you said. When you saw my eyes widening, you asked: 'Why is that look?'

'Nothing' I said. 'I'm just surprised that you answered this easily.'

'You know that I wouldn't lie to you, Rin' you said. 'How many boyfriends did you have?'

'T-two' I stammered. 'But I only kissed with Dell.'

'So they didn't have time to teach you love properly, right?' you asked, and my ears turned red.

'Y-you could teach me...' I whispered shyly.

Your eyes widened at my suggestion and for a moment I thought you'd refuse, but you quickly gave me the largest grin I've ever seen you wearing.

'So little Rinny wants to learn about love~' you sang on a sedutive voice, and my heart was on the verge of exploding. 'Then, let me teach you...'

You quickly pulled me close to you and kissed me passionately. You only kissed me on the lips, knowing that I don't like kissing in any other way, but you did it with such proficiency that my heart almost melted.

'Are you sure you're ready, Rin?' you whispered in my ear.

'I am' I said, surprisingly confidently. You smiled, took my hand, led me to the bedroom and closed the door behind us.

You gently sat me down on the bed and placed your hands on my shoulders. Your cerulean eyes deeply looked at my ocean blue ones, like you were looking inside me.

'Rin' you said. 'I'll go only as far as you let me. If you want me to stop, just tell me, okay?'

I nodded and you firmly pressed your lips on mine. You placed your hands on my bare knees and my cheeks started burning softly as your hands made their way up my tights.

You slowly pressed me down the soft bed, giving me a chance to say no if I wanted - but I didn't. You were truly skillful: before I noticed, you removed my blouse, skirt and socks and smiled at me widely.

'Orange, huh?' you asked, looking at my underwear. 'You really like this color, don't you?'

When you exposed my upper half I covered it with my hands out of reflex. I didn't have good memories about being shirtless - and you knew this as well.

'Don't cover yourself from me, Rin' you said softly. 'I want to see you fully.'

'B-but I'm flat' I protested. 'There's nothing on me to look at...'

'No' your expression went dead serious in an instant. 'You're beautiful as you are, Rin. Don't let anyone make you think differently.'

Blushing at what you said I shyly moved away my hands, giving you full access to my body. You smiled and planted small, flaming kisses all over my body. I didn't even try to hide my musical noises; I wanted you to know the happiness you were giving to me.

In an instant, you found all the pleasure points on me, and you discovered some which even I didn't know about. I closed my eyes and let out a series of musical noises. I swear my body temperature was twice as high as usually, and when you hotly breathed on me it became even higher.

I never thought I'd enjoy it ithis/i much. You were so gentle and caring. After all, I was still an untouched flower and you were an experienced young man. Miku was right after all. Having the first with you was the best decision. I wouldn't have had it in any other way.

I was so lost in the Len-world that I only noticed that you removed my last piece of clothing when I felt a cold breeze over my lower half. You looked at me, your eyes asking if I'm ready. I was unable to say it, so I simply nodded.

'L-Len, please kiss me' I said.

You towered above me and kissed me on the lips. I however added my tongue to the kiss, and let yours in my mouth. It wasn't as scary as last time. You knew how to do it, how far you can go and when you have to stop.

While kissing, you slowly and gently deflowered me and I sang your name in perfect octave. You whispered words of comfort in my ears. It hurt, really hurt... but as you moved, the pain quickly faded and I was engulfed in pleasure. My musical noises were louder than ever, and I heard you occasionally letting out your musical noises as well. I loved every moment of it, and I never wanted you to stop...

Our time came and you fell next to me. I was so carried away by you that I didn't even notice that you used protection - or how much happiness I gave to you. Lying there, you were panthing heavily but your fingers kept caressing my flushed face, brushing away the fallen bangs from my face.

'T-this was... amazing...' I panthed.

'Y-yeah' you said. 'You know, Rin, you're like a TV. You're turned on so easily!'

I blushed at your joke, but I managed to come up with an answer.

'O-only if it's you' I said. You smiled, but then you made a face like you suddenly recalled something.

'I almost forgot' you stood up and walked to your backpack.

Accompanied by my curious eyes, you took out a white box covered in white paper and an orange, silk ribbon. Then, you came back to the bed and gave the box to me.

'Do you remember when you saw me at the jewelry store with Neru?' you asked. 'Well, I was there to buy you this. Sorry, I forgot to give it to you.'

I was staring at the box with wide eyes. Wait. If you brought this when Neru was there with you, than it was before I confessed to you. Does that mean...

You smiled, and you answered like you were reading my mind.

'Actually, I was planning on asking you out' you said. 'But when I tried to figure out a how-to, I was clueless. I thought about buying you a present, but considering that it was you I wanted it to be perfect. As embarassing as it was, I couldn't think of anything - so I asked Neru to help me.'

While taking a closer look at the box I noticed several diamond-shaped silver decorations on the wrapping paper. Something boxed with such care must worth a fortune for sure. And you were giving it to me, a girl whose most expensive belonging is her five-years old cell phone.

'I-I cannot accept this' I tried to protest, but my tongue was shaking. 'You didn't have to give out this much money for me.'

'You may be right in that statement' you said. 'But for me, you worth more than any profane fortune. Please accept it, Rin.'

You were staring at me with your big, adorable puppy eyes and I found myself unable to say no. When I slowly pulled down the ribbon, a small smirk appeared on the end of your lips, and I blushed immediately. That smirk was killing me - and you knew this as well.

With my maximum concentration strength I dragged myself back to reality and opened the box. You smirked even more when my eyes became as wide as two plates. In the box, on a crimson velvet pillow a big, white bow was resting. I curiously ran my fingers on it. Its fabric was made of the silkiest material I've ever touched, and it was shining white like a polished pearl.

'Oh my God, Len' I whispered. 'This is beautiful!'

'Thank you!' you chuckled. 'Wait, let me put it on you.'

I handed over the box and lowered my head. When you placed the bow on the top of my head full of care, I felt like I was crowned. You were my handsome prince, and I truly felt like a princess. When you finished, you gently ran your fingers up my chin and kissed me softly. I closed my eyes and kissed you back.

'This was the most amazing tryst I've ever had' you said. 'I love you, Rin.'

'I... I adore you, Len' I said and kissed you on the lips. You killed the lights and pulled the blanket over us.

'Nighty night, Rin' you said.

'Have nice dreams, Len' I said and instantly fell asleep.

This was the most amazing night of my life. You were just as willing as I was, you accepted me fully... I managed to make you beyond happy. After that night, I found myself clinging onto your arm when we went somewhere - and strangely I enjoyed it. I was finally with the boy I loved, and I thought nothing could ruin my happiness.

How wrong I was.

How really, terribly wrong.

There was a ball at the collage. Most of the students were there, and you and I were invited as well. You were reluctant at the first time, knowing what happened to me on a similar party, but I insisted on it. I wanted you to enjoy being with others a bit, and I also knew that as long as I stay with you nothing bad would happen.

The party was nice, really nice. It was at a Friday evening, after lessons. You wanted to take me home before the party, but suddenly Miku grabbed me and dragged me away, saying that I need a better dress. When I said that I don't want it, she said that it's not for me, but for you. So she dragged me to her room - well, a five-room apartment can hardly be called a room - and showed me dozens of dresses for hours.

After what felt like forever, she put a dress on me (like a doll) and dragged me in front of a mirror. I was felt breathless by my own looks. You chose me a glossy, deep blue satin dress, fitting my eyes. A white ribbon was running around my waist, ending in a bow on my back. It looked perfect with the bow you gave me and the white shoes I got from Miku.

'If Len sees this, he'll eat you alive!' giggled Miku behind my back. 'You know what? The dress is yours.'

'B-but Miku...' I tried to protest.

'No buts' said Miku. 'It looks many times better on you than it did on me. Besides, I was late from your birthday, so take it as a birthday present, okay? Now let's go, or you'll make Len wait!'

We arrived at the party and I immediately started looking for you. As I crossed the crowd, I felt the gazes of many boys on me, but I only wanted one... Warm arms wrapped around my waist and a soft kiss landed on my neck. I turned around, and saw you.

'I've been waiting for you, Rin' you said. 'You're stunning this evening.'

Even if you said this, you were stunning as well. You were wearing a white shirt with black buttons, black silk trousers and black leather shoes. You also had a simple grey vestcoat on you, and you had a thin, blue tie with gold stripes tied in your neck. I felt my face heating up and my breathing becoming rough as I was looking at you.

'You... are... hot...' I could only say this much, and I blushed at my own silliness.

'Thank you humbly' you said and kissed me on the lips. With closed eyes I kissed back, tasting your sweet lips.

We spent the rest of the evening together, dancing, kissing or just idly talking. Girls came over, inviting you to dance with them, and some boys asked me for a dance as well. Even when I was far, dancing with others, I felt your watchful gaze on me, making sure that there's nobody who'd hurt me. Feeling such care, I felt jealousy leaving me completely. From that moment I knew that I wouldn't have my eyes on any other boy, only you and you alone.

When the party's heat started leaving me, I found you, got a hold onto your hand and asked you to come home with me.

'Why?' you asked. 'Are you feeling unwell?'

Instead of answering, I simply kissed you deeply. You gave me a confused look and I smiled.

'Because I want to do something that I cannot do in public' I said, trying to sound seductive. You accepted my hand and I led you out of the party.

As we walked through the parking lot, my mind was full of the many "fun" things I'd do to you, making my heart race more and more. I was lost in the world of my fantasy again - this is why I didn't notice the light in time.

Everything happened quickly. _Too_ quickly.

And yet, it still managed to ruin my life completely.

I heard the creaking of rubber wheels and saw a flash of light. I didn't even know what was happening, but you did. You quickly wrapped your arms around me and pulled me back, but it was too late... I felt extreme pain on my side around my waist, and I passed out.

I woke up to an annoying, beeping voice next to me. I was laying on soft bedding in a white room. I tried to move, but suddenly pain spread through my body, which felt unusually weak. There were machines all over me, my body was wrapped in bandages and there was gypsum around my hip. I had no idea what was going on.

'Rin!'

Miku - who has just walked in - screamed my name. The boquet of flowers she was carrying fell to the ground as she jumped in my neck, hugging me tightly.

'My God, Rin, you're awake!' she screamed happily. 'I'm so glad!'

'I-it hurts, Miku!' I yelped. Miku let me go and looked at my eyes with joy and relief.

'W-what happened?' I asked. 'Where am I, Miku?'

'You don't remember?' she asked. 'This is a hospital.'

'B-but why?' I asked, with a bitter feeling spreading through my chest.

'You were hit by a car, Rin' she said. 'You were in coma for three weeks.'

My eyes widened as I remembered something.

'Where is Len?' I asked quietly.

The joy and relief I've just seen in Miku's eyes faded away, and my heart felt like breaking.

'D-don't tell me...' I stummered. I was dead scared and tears were coming together in my eyes.

'Nonononono!' said Miku quickly. 'Len isn't dead!'

'He isn't?' I asked. 'Where is he?'

'In the next room' she said. 'He... was hit hard. He's still in coma.'

Miku then told me everything that happened. He told me that she and her boyfriend, Kaito found us in the parking lot, laying there broken. They called the ambulance and the police as well. She told me that we were hit by a car, and the security camera revealed that...

...that the car was driven by Dell.

The police arrested Dell, who didn't even try to come up with an excuse. He admitted that he simply wanted to kill his "slut ex-girlfriend and her shota boyfriend". Apparently, he was there at the party, making pictures of you and me with his cell phone. He was still furious at me, and when he saw us kissing, he decided to end both of us.

Dell waited until we left the party and followed us, hiding. When we arrived to the parking lot, Dell simply sat in his car and charged at us at full speed. He didn't even care about him being seen by anyone else - he just wanted bad for me. He perceived you as my happimess, so he decided to destroy you as well, along with me.

While Miku told me the story, I remembered something. Just before we were hit, you shielded me. I was so lost in thought that I didn't even realize what was happening until it was too late. You, on the other hand, had keen senses and clear mind. This is why you wrapped your arms around me and dragged me away as far as you could - even at the cost of your own well-being.

In the accident, I broke several ribs. My shoulder and waist were dislocated, I had inner bleeding, both my skull and my thigh bone cracked and I had light brain concussion. You suffered similar injuries as well - only that you hit your head harder than I did. Thankfully, Miku called the ambulance right when she saw us and they arrived before we bled out.

Ever since then, we both were in deep coma. I found out that my parents came to visit me and were furious at Dell. They still didn't know what happened between me and him. I never told them, after all. You were visited by your family as well. Both families were told that they should give up on us ever waking up again. Notwithstanding, Miku kept visiting me and Neru kept seeing you day by day.

I found myself crying, and Miku looked at me sympathetically. The pain was coming from both my broken body which was destroyed by Dell, and from my broken heart which caused pain for you. You got hurt this much because of me... I could hardly bear this bitter, painful thought.

I was there at Dell's trial. When he found out that he failed to kill me, he went berserk, started throwing chairs all around and kept shouting that I'll be dead when he gets out. The security guards had to restrain him. Dell got life sentenced, and he'll have no chance to get out. But no matter what the judgement was, it didn't make me feel any better. You weren't there, and there was a chance that you'll never be...

A miracle happened. Months after I woke up, I kept going to physiotherapy and I was eventually released from hospital. I was afraid of going back to the dorm, where I met you, where I spent my life with you... But days after I came back, a certain phone call arrived. It was from Neru.

You woke up.

I let out a scream of joy. I'd have given up my life just for you to come back, but you did, you still did... Neru's voice, however, was sad. She said that after you woke up, you didn't remember anything from before the accident. Not just the actual accident, but the school, your friends, your phone number, your family, your name...

...you couldn't even remember me.

This is why you have amnesia.

Miku picked me up and took me to the hospital. Everyone was hoping that me, your girlfriend, the person you were in love with could bring back at least a few pieces of your memory. I was hoping for this as well.

This is why I kissed you out of blue.

This is why I have to apologize.

I'm sorry. So, so, so, sorry.

Please accept my humblest apologize.

I... I enjoyed the kiss. Your lips were warm, full of life. I missed them so much I just couldn't control myself as I hungrily searched your lips...

...but you weren't enjoying the kiss. When I noticed that you weren't responding to my kiss, I opened my eyes, but I quickly pulled away when I saw your cerulean eyes. They were full of confusement. You didn't remember me. And that broke me.

And so I ran away. Not caring about your confused look, about all the parents and doctors, not even about my falling tears, I ran away... I just wanted to get away from you, from my hapiness and now my pain...

Sorry if the letter's becoming illegible. I've started crying again. I cannot control my tears when I'm thinking about you. Great, now I'll soak this whole letter. I'm sorry.

I'm also sorry for the accident. Even if Miku and Neru say otherwise, it was my fault. I fell in love with you. With my past, with the horrible people behind me I shouldn't have done that. I knew I'd get hurt if I fell in love, but I was only thinking about myself. I never thought I'd hurt the person I've fallen in love with.

I never thought I'd come to hurt you.

After you didn't recognize me, I couldn't take it anymore. Having you looking at me like this, without even knowing who I am was beyond painful. I loved you. I still love you. Yet you... you forgot about our love.

It's all my fault. I know it very well.

I couldn't bring myself to visit you today. Even if I spent most of my time in the hospital sitting next to you, waiting for you to wake up, now that you're awake I cannot go back. After all, I remember everything, and you don't.

Actually, writing this letter was Neru's idea. She kept visiting me after the accident, and we got really close. She is truly a lovely person, you know? You're really lucky to have her as your sister. I'm happy that I got to meet her.

Neru told me that even after being talked this much by your family, you still recalled nothing of your past. She didn't force me to visit you again. Instead, she proposed to write a letter to you. She thought that if you read it over and over again, you might remember something sooner or later. This is why I wrote down this whole story, everything I could remember, hoping that I'd help you this way.

I can't let you go. I can't forget about you. I can't fall out of love.

From now on, I think we have four choices about... us. If you read this letter and you still remember nothing, I... I don't know. I don't want to break up with you. But if you won't remember me, I know that you'll eventually find another girl, fall in love with her and live happily afterwards. I don't know if I can ever get used to you being with another girl, but I'm not that selfish to ruin your happiness.

If you don't remember but you want to remember me, and reading all these you think you can still love me, talk to Neru. She knows where to find me, and I'll be by your side and help you with my full strength. After all, I wanted to spend my whole life with you. I still want to.

If you remember me and you want to break up, I won't protest. I won't be happy, but I won't protest. I know that what happened to you is unforgivable, and it happened purely because of me. Your anger is completely understandable, and if you're angry at me, I understand it. But even so, I don't think I can have my eyes on any other boy.

But if by some miracle, you happen to regain your memories after you read this letter and you still love me, then... You know where you can find me. I'll be waiting for you forever, no matter how long it'll take you to remember me. My body, my mind, my soul, my heart - they're still yours. I won't ever take them back.

I guess... that's everything I have to say for now. I knew that this was a long letter, and if you reached this point know that you made me incredibly happy.

I'm waiting for news about you,

With undying love,

Kagamine Rin.

PS: Miku made a picture of the two of us on the party. I printed it and enclosed it to this letter. I hope it helps. I love you.


End file.
